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Readers react to rejection

I received several e-mails on my "Dealing with rejection" entry. I must have touched upon a subject that people can easily relate to. Ah! Am I finally writing something worth reading and worth reacting to?

I highlight a few to share with my readers.

It seems that I have left out looking at the causes of rejection. I omitted this because I wanted closure, and I didn't think it mattered why a person got rejected. But perhaps I was wrong.

The following excerpt comes from an older man with experience and insight.

You seem to write like Abbey. You wrote this piece well, but I'm afraid you still have much to learn. For one thing, you may have to dig out the reason why or the cause of rejection. Try objectively to tell of your own weaknesses. But one thing you have said right: some girls hurriedly marry wrong men after being rejected. I don't know why. I could cite real cases but I could not cite real cases of men hurriedly marry wrong women after being rejected. Is it because men are more sensible?

The next one points out even more holes in my analysis, albeit with a twinge of sarcasm. I wonder if a food binge has dire consequences though.

Welcome to Bon Journal, the one-stop shop for emotional resolution! Your "Dealing with Rejection" sounds interesting on the surface, but sorry to say it all seems so academic. Why do I say that?

(1) What you wrote is about chilling out after rejection, it still doesn't solve the problem of the rejection. Chill out... to each his own. Some take drugs, some resort to alcohol, the worst kinds go home and beat up the wife or blow up the local church. Sorry, but that's the reality of life.

(2) Can there be textbook solutions to dealing with rejection ? Is life really that simple? Can we overcome our mortal and emotional encumbrances with textbook "how to"? Rejection means different things to different people, even the same shape and form of rejection happening to two different individuals can be perceived so differently... that's the beauty and intrigue of intelligent life on earth.

Your entry sounds like a page off a book from the "Dummies" series... perhaps it's "Rejection for Dummies". And just how do I deal with rejection? Well, when I am contented and satisfied, I have a great appetite for food. And when I am feeling rejected or dejected, I simply drown my sorrows in food. Well, you could call this some kind of "win-win" dilemma, I suppose.

Here's a more sympathetic but not an agreeable one. It offers a different perspective, from someone who has obviously been rejected before -- and perhaps have been a rejecter as a result.

Maybe I can add some to your strategies of how to handle rejection. If the rejector is still reachable, it may be worthwhile to try to figure out why you are being rejected. What caused him to reject you? Not to your point of view, but to his. You could think that you are being rejected because of different things that he might have. Men could react out of fear for instance.

Or is it you love him and he doesn't love you? Unanswered love (if it exists) might cause a broken heart and in time that will kill you. Don't persist in love if it isn't mutual. Don't let him occupy your life, or better, don't choose to mourn. Life's too short for that. Don't let yourself hang into that for too long.

I don't agree on several other things you wrote. Trying to hate him won't work. It's the same fiction like unanswered love. I don't agree that time will heal, apart from the fact that 'unanswered love' needs to go bad, before it can become good again. I don't agree with you to not meet other men if it's only for fun or distraction.

Why have only men responded to this entry? Where are the women? Or is the Bon Journal only read by men?

One thing for sure. I need to write about "unanswered love." It is quite different from "unrequited love."

29 May 2004 Saturday

Related entries & links:
Dealing with rejection
I wonder why - a poem about unanswered love
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Anne Ku at Ilp in May 2001
Anne Ku

writes about her travels, conversations, thoughts, events, music, and anything else that is interesting enough to fill a web page.
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