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Fear of running and running from fear
Saturday morning after my nonstop 7.5 km run, I brought up the subject of fear. Sipping a frothy cappucino, I confessed to my running mates the fear I've always had about running. I discovered to my amazement that I had conquered it that day.
I never liked running because I was afraid that I'd stop before I get to the end. I was afraid of running out of breath. I was afraid of causing everyone else to slow down because of me.
I was afraid that it might get dark and that I'd get lost. I feared getting lost, for it meant having to expend extra energy trying to find the right path back. I feared tripping over objects and getting hurt. I feared falling and failing.
At times, I even feared that running was bad for my health. Didn't I read somewhere that running was unhealthy for women? That the famous runner James Fixx had died of a heart attack?
That Saturday in the famous Het Gooi (nature reserve around where I live), I saw a big black dog on a leash sitting in my path . It reminded me of my fear of running into dangerous creatures. My running mates said that animals could sense your fear, so the best thing was to run into it and not show any fear.
Each time I ran, it got easier. I am now able to run by myself whenever I felt like it. Even so, I still fear running into good-looking men who might run after me. So I take my key ring with a whistle with me in case I need to blow on it. Good-looking men are too irresistible --- I fear they might stop me from getting to the end.
My running mates were astonished at my rigorous analysis of my fear of running. Indeed, now that I've overcome my fear of running, I want to stop running away from my other fears.
7 June 2004 Monday
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