What women think men like and want
"Meet us for tapas near you," I called my friend at the spur of the moment. "I have a friend from New York visiting tonight."
She showed up wearing a white cotton blouse and matching long skirt that opened in the middle, revealing her tanned bare legs and two inch heels. In the hot summer evening, her curly highlighted hair fell on her freckled cheeks. I hadn't seen her for a year but expected her usual cheerful self.
"Who is he? And where is he?" she asked at the train station.
"He's late. But he'll show up," I said.
As soon as he appeared, I left them to acquaint with each other. From the withdrawn look of her face when I returned with my bicycle I knew that she had learned that he was not emotionally available.
While he lamented over being stood up and hence his late arrival at the station, she agonised over her current incomplete relationship.
"See the messages I sent him earlier. Should I text him again?" she asked me.
"No," I said. "You will only harrass him by doing so." I recalled giving this advice recently to another female friend who had wondered why her male friend had not bothered to answer to her torrent of mobile phone messages.
Meanwhile, my friend from New York complained about being stood up. "She didn't even call me to say she was late. So I just waited and waited. I had a horrible day."
Why do men not respond and women not show up? I'm sure it's a misunderstanding or a sign of immaturity. Perhaps the lady was delayed and couldn't contact the man. Perhaps the guy didn't read mobile phone messages as soon as they arrived. Perhaps there's a problem with interpretation.
Or it could be that my two friends were too fond of their counterparts which leads to imbalanced relationships. Or rather, unreciprocated relationships. Unanswered love.
What do men want in a woman? If I were a man, I would never have anything to do with women. Women are too fussy, too demanding, too irrational, too high maintenance --- a handful. But perhaps that's why attracts men so.
What do women want in a man? I like someone mature enough not to play games, a gentleman who can carry on an interesting conversation without showing off, a person who is confident and independent without appearing arrogant. In short, I like men who make me feel comfortable and good.
I glanced at my friend, the fourth person in tonight's tapas dinner, who had nothing to contribute towards the torment of women. He is either content to be in a relationship or happy to be free from the uncertainty of an almost relationship.
Would I rather be in his shoes, content and agony-free? Or those of my tormented friends? I've been there before, taking the petals off a rose one by one and chanting, "He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not."
To be wanted is a greater desire than to want. Everyone wants to be wanted. The heart wants confirmation but only gets uncertainty. What women think men like and want is what they themselves want. But confirmation gets translated into persistence and harrassment, the last thing men want.
6 August 2004 Friday